


Danno Can has Cheezeburger

by rainbowgoddess



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Bromance, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-18
Updated: 2011-04-18
Packaged: 2017-10-18 08:26:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/186918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowgoddess/pseuds/rainbowgoddess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A booby-trapped computer has an unusual effect on Danny.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Danno Can has Cheezeburger

Everything started out innocently enough. Five-0 had been tasked with investigating a hacker who had threatened to unleash a new computer virus that he claimed had been created specifically to infect government and law-enforcement systems.

After some investigation, the team found the hacker's supposed hideout. But there was no sign of him. Steve looked around at the massive amount of computers and electronic equipment. "Well," he sighed, "everyone grab a computer and see what you can figure out." He doubted it would be useful, since it was almost guaranteed that their suspect had protected and encrypted everything. He knew they'd have to haul all these machines back to headquarters eventually. But he had to do _something_ before he turned over all this equipment to someone else.

Steve looked over Danny's shoulder. "Found anything, Mister Triple Banana?"

Danny ignored the gibe. "Maybe. I recently read this article about how to guess passwords. Most people use their dog's name, their boyfriend's name, their girlfriend's name — stuff that's really easy to guess."

"So? We don't know this guy's boyfriend's name or girlfriend's name, or even if he has a boyfriend or a girlfriend. And there's no sign of a dog around here. Besides, you'd think someone sophisticated enough to create this virus wouldn't use a password that's so easy to guess."

"You'd think that, but you wouldn't necessarily be right," Danny answered. He continued tapping keys. "Even if we don't know if he has a girlfriend or a boyfriend, the most common password in use in English-speaking countries is...." He typed the world P-A-S-S-W-O-R-D.

To Steve's astonishment, the computer came to life instantly. "See?" said Danny smugly.

Then the whole thing blew up in a shower of sparks, knocking Danny to the ground.

"Danno!" Steve exclaimed, kneeling beside his partner. "Are you okay?"

Dazed, Danny shook his head as if to clear cobwebs from it. He looked at Steve. "I can has cheezeburger?" he asked.

Steve wasn't sure whether he should be relieved or annoyed that Danny's first thought was of food. "Danny, it's not lunchtime yet. Tell me, did you find anything in that computer before it exploded on you?"

"Hungry Danno is hungry," Danny announced.

Steve's mood was rapidly changing from concerned to exasperated. "Danny, quit fooling around. We have work to do."

"Angry Steve is angry," Danny observed. "Is it can be food time nao?"

Kono and Chin had abandoned their own investigations, not wanting to have any computers blow up on them, and were gathered around their friend in concern and bewilderment.

"Why's he talking that way?" Chin asked.

"I don't know," Steve answered. "Danno, did you hurt your head when you fell?"

"I has a headache," Danny agreed.

"Let's take him to the doctor," Steve decided. He picked up his cell phone. "I'll call someone to come in and take all this stuff back to headquarters. Kono, can you stay here till then?"

Kono agreed, after extracting a promise from Steve and her cousin that one of them would call her when they knew whether Danny was all right.

Steve put his hand on Danny's shoulder and said, "Come on, Danno. We're taking you to the hospital."

"You know, the way he's talking sounds kind of familiar," Chin commented on the way to the hospital.

"Yeah? How so?" Steve asked.

"Well, there's this thing called LOLCat. There are websites all over the place about it." Chin explained the references to cheezeburgers and the strange sentence structure used in cat macros.

"Well, that's just great," Steve sighed. "Danny has been infected by cat macros. The question is: how?" He turned to Danny. "Danny, do you know where you are?"

"I'm in ur car, driving to the hospital," Danny replied helpfully.

"Do you know what day it is?" Steve asked.

"It are Thursday," Danny answered.

"Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays," Steve sighed.

At the hospital, Steve explained Danny's odd symptoms to the doctor.

"And when did this first start happening?" the doctor asked as he examined Danny.

"Right after a computer blew up in his face," Steve answered.

"I see. Was Detective Williams unconscious after the computer blew up?"

"I don't think so, no," Steve said. "Doctor, what do you think happened to my partner?"

"I can't say for sure," the doctor replied. "I have to run some tests first." He ordered an EEG and a head CT as well as a full panel of blood tests. When Danny saw the needle, he blanched.

"Do not want!" Danny exclaimed when the phlebotomist arrived.

Steve put his arm around Danny's shoulders. "It's all right, Danno. The lady is just going to take some blood. It's just a little prick. It won't hurt a bit."

"Nasty needles are nasty," Danny complained.

"Tell you what, Danno," Steve said. "If you cooperate with the doctors and nurses, I'll buy you a cheeseburger when we're done."

Danny perked up immediately. "I can has cheezeburger?"

"Yes, you can has as many cheeseburgers as you like," Steve promised.

The orderlies arrived to take Danny for his head CT. Danny grabbed Steve's hand and gave him a puzzled look. "It's okay, Danno," Steve said. "You go with them. They're going to take pictures of your head."

Danny relaxed a little and reluctantly released Steve's hand. "My head, let me show you it," he said to the orderlies as they wheeled him away.

After what seemed like forever, Danny was back. After he climbed into the hospital bed, he patted the space beside him. "I can has company?" he asked.

Steve looked around to see if anyone was watching. Chin had gone back to Five-0 headquarters to keep an eye on the computer technicians. The hospital staff were going about their duties, not paying any attention to Steve and Danny. _What the heck. This day can't get any stranger,_ Steve decided, then felt the urge to knock wood. He sat on the bed beside Danny, who looked at him happily.

"I has a partner," Danny said cheerfully.

Steve wondered how much of Danny was really in there. "Danno, how much do you understand?" he asked.

Danny looked at him but didn't say anything. Steve sighed.

"Steve has a sad?"

In spite of his worry, Steve had to laugh. He put his arm around Danny's shoulders again and hugged him. "No, Steve does not has — er, have — a sad. I'm just a little worried about you, Danno."

Danny kissed his cheek then, much to Steve's astonishment. "You has a flavour," he observed. Then he lay his head on Steve's shoulder. "My Steve," he said possessively. "I wuvs him."

 _He 'wuvs' me? What the heck does that mean?_ Steve asked himself. He was beginning to think he needed a translator and made a mental note to Google "LOLCats" when he got back to headquarters. "Where is that doctor?" he grumbled.

"Late doctor is late," Danny agreed. He looked at the clock. "Is time for noms nao."

"Noms? What are noms, Danno?"

Danny made a motion as if he were stuffing something into his mouth. "Om nom nom nom," he said.

"Oh, you mean food. Figures you'd be thinking about food. Wait a second." Steve realized something. "You understood me. I asked you a question, and you answered me."

Danny didn't say anything else, but Steve felt more hopeful than he had since Danny had started talking in LOLCat.

The doctor finally arrived. "You're not going to believe this," he began. "I've checked and rechecked the test results to be absolutely sure. Detective Williams has a computer virus."

"Can you treat it?" Steve asked.

"Well, we can give him some anti-viral medicine and hope that that helps, but none of us have ever seen this type of infection before. We could run some more tests, but...."

"Bring the drugs," Steve demanded. "Then I'm taking my partner out of here." He didn't want the doctors experimenting on his Danno.

"Really, Mr. McGarrett, I don't think Detective Williams should be left alone right now," the doctor protested.

"That's Lt. Commander McGarrett to you," Steve said. "Detective Williams is my partner, and I will look after him for as long as he needs it." He picked up Danny's clothes and closed the curtain around them. "Get dressed, Danno. It's time to leave."

After Danny had taken the anti-viral drugs, Steve signed him out of the hospital and took him for the promised cheeseburgers. Danny made contented "Om nom nom" noises as he ate. Steve took a couple of bites of his own food but couldn't finish. He was too worried about what he was going to do if Danny never recovered.

Not wanting to go back to headquarters, Steve called in and said he would be spending the rest of the day looking after Danny. Then he took Danny home with him. As he dropped his keys on the table, something suddenly occurred to Steve.

"Danny, I have to take your weapon."

Danny didn't answer. Steve guessed that there wasn't an appropriate LOLCat expression for this occasion.

"Give me your gun, Danno." When Danny didn't move, Steve reached over and gently removed the gun from its holster.

"Noo, he be stealing my gun!" Danny cried. He didn't fight, though.

Steve wanted to cry too. "And your badge," he said sadly as he unclipped it from Danny's belt.

"Mean Steve is mean," Danny said.

"I know," Steve sighed. "It's only temporary, Danny. Tomorrow we'll take you to see Toast. Maybe he'll know how to fix you."

"Smrt Toast is smrt."

Steve wasn't sure how he could tell that Danny had dropped the vowel from the word "smart."

Danny yawned. "I has a tired." The anti-viral drugs had the side effect of making him sleepy.

"Tired Danno is tired?" Steve asked sympathetically, then realized he was talking in LOLCat style himself and hoped he hadn't caught the virus from Danny. "Come on. You can use my bed." The spare room wasn't set up for guests, something that hadn't occurred to Steve when he brought Danny here.

Danny fell asleep very quickly, so Steve decided to do some research. He talked to Chin, who told him that the technicians weren't willing to touch the computers because of what had happened to Danny, and that they were considering calling in the FBI. Steve told Chin to tell them to wait; he'd get on to Toast first.

After he'd done all he could do with work, it was time for Steve to research LOLCats. He discovered there were hundreds, if not thousands of sites that contained cat macros. Trying to narrow his results, Steve searched for things like "LOLCat translator," and "LOLCat interpreter."

That was when he finally found the word "wuv". It meant "love." So when Danny had said, "I wuvs him," he had meant.... Holy crap. Danny wuvved — er, loved him. Was this simply a result of the virus making Danny say things he didn't mean, or was it more like it making him say things that he really did mean but wouldn't normally say out loud?

Eventually Steve noticed that it was getting late. He'd done all he could for now; tomorrow it would be time to seek out Toast — or Adam, as his name really was. Now it was time to go to bed, and Danny was already in his bed.

"I can has kiss goodnight?" Danny asked as Steve got into bed beside him.

Steve pondered the request. He didn't want to take advantage of Danny if Danny really wasn't thinking clearly. But surely a little peck wouldn't be harmful. So he gave Danny a chaste kiss goodnight.

Danny, however, apparently wanted more than just a peck. He took Steve's face in his hands and gave him the biggest, strongest, hardest kiss Steve had ever experienced.

Steve desperately wanted to respond, because he'd wanted to kiss Danny — and do a lot more with Danny — for a long time. But he couldn't do it right now, not until he knew for sure that Danny was actually there. He pushed Danny away. "No, Danny. Not now."

"Want," Danny stated firmly.

"I want it too, Danno. But not until you're better. Not until we know what we're dealing with."

"Want NAO," Danny persisted.

"No, Danny," Steve repeated and gently pushed him away.

Danny glared at Steve in a way that reminded him of an angry cat and got out of bed. "I has a mad," he declared as he stalked out of the bedroom.

"Danny, please...." Steve followed him out of the bedroom, but Danny ignored him. "Danno!" he called, worried that his partner would leave the house and try to go home in his vulnerable state — not to mention the fact that all he was wearing was an undershirt and boxer shorts.

"Mean Steve is mean," Danny declared, not for the first time.

"Danno, I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just trying to look out for my partner."

"Pfft." Danny made a noise that sounded like a cross between a hiss and a spit. He didn't look at Steve as he went out the door.

Steve didn't chase him because he had the feeling that if he did so, Danny would just run away. He wanted to know what Danny was planning to do before he chose a plan of action, so he watched him from the window, ready to run outside if he felt Danny needed him.

Apparently all Danny wanted to do was wander around the yard. _Of course,_ Steve thought. _He's being a cat. Cats like to prowl at night._ Steve watched Danny for a long time, but eventually, without intending to, he fell asleep.

He was awakened by a commotion coming from the yard. He flew outside, ready to rush to Danny's defence. But what he found when he got there was Danny standing over the crumpled form of an apparent intruder. "What happened, Danny?" Steve asked before realizing that it was doubtful Danny could give him an answer.

"I caught you a bad guy," Danny replied, "but I broked him."

That was the most coherent thing Danny had said since the accident. Steve lifted the intruder, carried him into the house and lay him on the couch. He didn't want to call the HPD because he didn't want them to know about Danny's current affliction, so he had to question the guy himself.

It turned out that this "bad guy" had heard through the grapevine about the alleged computer virus. When he'd seen how many cops were at the virus creator's hideout, he'd followed Steve and Danny. He'd almost lost track of them at the hospital, but eventually his patience paid off and he'd found them at Steve's house. Discovering Danny alone in the yard, he'd made his move, which had ended up in his being soundly trounced.

It was almost morning, so Steve decided that he may as well get dressed and eat breakfast. He'd take the guy to headquarters and drop him off there before taking Danny to see Toast. Realizing that Danny wasn't in the room with him, he went in search of his partner.

He found Danny, now fully dressed, in the kitchen. "What are you doing, Danno?"

"I'm in ur kitchen, making ur pancakes," Danny replied.

"Why are you making pancakes?"

"It is can be noms time nao," Danny replied. "Hungry Danno is hungry. Hungry Steve is hungry?"

Steve remembered telling Danny, for some reason he couldn't remember, that he liked pancakes. Obviously Danny had remembered. "Yes, hungry Steve is hungry, and hungry Steve likes pancakes. Thanks."

Danny slipped an arm around Steve and hugged him. "My partner. I wuvs him."

"I love you too, Danno."

Danny grinned. "My partner. He wuvs me."

After they had eaten their pancakes and dealt with their uninvited guest, Danny and Steve and the rest of the team went to find Toast.

"Hey dudes — and dudette — what's up?" the young hacker asked when they arrived.

Steve explained about Danny's condition, which sent Toast into a fit of giggles.

"Stoned Toast is stoned," Danny observed.

"Nah, man, I'm not," Toast objected. "So, what do you want me to do?"

They took him to the scene of the accident, which had been left untouched by the computer techs Steve had originally asked to deal with the machines. Toast whistled when he saw the setup. "Awesome, man!"

Steve roughly shoved him in front of the computer that had infected Danny. "This is the machine. Do your stuff."

Danny glared at his partner.

"Hey, I'm impatient, all right?" Steve defended himself. Then he turned to Toast. "Sorry."

Toast ignored him as he worked away at the computer. Finally he turned to the four people watching him. "Okay. This is what I've figured out. We have to recreate the accident. Sit Danny down in front of this computer and have him do exactly what he did yesterday. It won't be nice, but it should do the trick."

Danny sat in front of the computer and, demonstrating that he had followed exactly what Toast had said, started typing away. When he typed "password," the computer again sent a large electric shock at him, again knocking him out of his chair.

Steve was immediately at his side. "You okay, Danno?" he asked, feeling a sense of deja vu.

Shaking his head, Danny said, "Yeah, I think so. What happened? One minute I'm sitting at this computer, and the next — boom!"

The three other members of Five-0 exchanged glances. _Should we tell him?_

"You had an accident," Steve told him. "Guess the computer was booby trapped. It gave you a huge shock. Toast here was helping us with all these computers and stuff."

Danny looked at Toast quizzically. "When did you get here? You weren't here a minute ago."

"You musta lost your memory, man," Toast answered. "I've been here all along."

Suddenly Danny looked at his cell phone. "Wait a minute. I've lost an entire day!"

"That happens sometimes," Steve said. "I think they call it retrograde amnesia. I'll take you to a doctor if you think you've got a concussion or something." He made a mental note to make sure it was a different doctor and different hospital from the one they'd been to yesterday.

"I have a headache, but I don't think it's serious," Danny said.

Toast managed to disable the computer that had infected Danny, and he helped the Five-0 team track down the source of the virus. At the end of the day Steve offered to buy Danny a drink, but Danny, pleading tiredness, refused.

Steve just barely stopped himself from asking if tired Danno was tired.

Later that evening Steve was quite surprised to find his partner at his door. "Is something wrong?" he asked.

"Something very strange just happened," Danny replied. "I went home, and I realized I had intended to get groceries yesterday, but I must have forgotten with that retrograde amnesia stuff. So I went out to grab some takeout, and I wound up at a place selling cheeseburgers."

"Oh, really," Steve said. "And then what happened?"

Danny cocked his head sideways and looked Steve up and down in what Steve could only describe as a hungry manner. Then he pounced.

It seemed that Danny still had a few cat-like qualities left.

END


End file.
